Specific Character Roles

🧼 Maid – (Proper Housekeeper, Cute French Maid, or Sneaky Live-In Staff)

Vibe: Either crisp, spotless efficiency or dramatic, lacey flirtation — OR the unnervingly quiet staff member who appears in hallways without footsteps. Knows every secret in the house and definitely judges the dust levels.

Costume (from your closet): Black skirt or dress, white blouse, apron, tights, flats. Add a headband or ribbon for the “professional” look; add lace elements for the French-maid parody version.

Easy to buy: Feather duster, lace headpiece, crisp white apron, mini cleaning caddy.

Props: Spray bottle (filled with water), tiny handheld vacuum, stack of perfectly folded towels, microfiber cloth, clipboard labeled “Daily Duties (Confidential).”

Quirks & How to Act:
Fold EVERYTHING in sight — napkins, jackets, random snacks. Glide across rooms like you’re on invisible wheels. Straighten crooked picture frames with urgency. Whisper “tsk tsk” at imaginary specks. For French maid: curtsy dramatically and gasp softly at chaos. For sneaky live-in staff: appear behind people suddenly, tilt your head slowly, and vanish mid-conversation to “go polish something.”

Sayings:
“I clean… but I never tell.”
“Some stains never come out… metaphorically.”
“Your secrets are dusty.”
“I see everything. Especially fingerprints.”

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🤵 Butler – (Dutiful, Mysterious, or Definitely Hiding a Body Somewhere)

Vibe: Impeccably calm, unnervingly quiet, and flawlessly composed. Knows every guest’s business before they do. Their politeness feels supportive… or sinister.

Costume (from your closet): White button-down, black slacks, vest or suit jacket, bow tie. Shoes polished with frightening precision.

Easy to buy: Serving tray, white gloves, faux silver utensils, pocket watch.

Props: Tray with “service items,” folded white towel over arm, notebook labeled “Guest Preferences & Weaknesses,” bell for summoning invisible staff.

Quirks & How to Act:
Appear silently behind people like a ghost with excellent posture. Bow slightly at random moments. Speak slowly, evenly, and with terrifying calm. Glide rather than walk. Hand people things they didn’t ask for. Pretend to overhear everything.

Sayings:
“I anticipate your needs.”
“I am always… nearby.”
“The household runs smoothly… when properly motivated.”
“Shall I take care of that… permanently?”

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🐶 Dog Groomer or Trainer

Vibe: Cheerful, patient, and lightly traumatized. Smells faintly like shampoo, treats, and chaos. Speaks calmly while restraining imaginary dogs and silently judging everyone’s hygiene.

Costume (from your closet): Casual clothes or smock, leggings or jeans, comfy shoes. Bonus points for paw-print patterns or fur-covered attire (fake fur only). 

Trainer: wear a sleek warm-up/track suit and have bags of treats.

Easy to buy: Grooming apron, dog treats, leash, lint roller.

Props: Brush, comb, spray bottle, clippers (off), towel, bandana, and dog whistle for trainer.

Quirks & How to Act:
Talk to people like they’re dogs. Praise imaginary pets excessively. Flinch at sudden movements. Clean fur off everything constantly. Offer unsolicited grooming advice. Say “Good job!” after every interaction.

Sayings:
“He’s a good boy… mostly.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been bitten worse.”
“That coat tells me everything.”
“We don’t judge here. We just groom.”
“I can smell anxiety.”

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🍔 Fast Food Worker – (Fry Cook, Cashier, or Drive-Thru Drama Queen)

Vibe: Overworked, caffeinated, sarcastic, and one broken fryer away from a meltdown. Lives in the land of beeping timers, sticky counters, and questionable decisions.

Costume (from your closet): Polo shirt or colored tee, black pants, apron, visor or baseball cap, sneakers that have seen things.

Easy to buy: Plastic headset, name tag, toy fry basket, fake order slips.

Props: Stack of to-go bags, ketchup packets, receipt paper roll, tray with fake burger, order number sign, plastic cup labeled “Employee Drink (Do Not Touch).”

Quirks & How to Act:
Speak in drive-thru voice even when face-to-face. Announce orders loudly to no one. Eye twitch whenever someone says “Actually, can I change my order?” Slam imaginary drawers. Complain about the ice cream machine being broken. Apologize for things entirely out of your control. Move like you’ve worked a double shift since the 90s.

Sayings:
“Welcome to Burgertown (or whatever your restaurant name is), what can I get started for you?”
“Our ice cream machine is down.”
“Sure, we can ‘make that fresh’… it'll be like… 45 minutes.”
“We don’t have that. We never had that.”
“You want fries with that? …You do.”

If someone is taking too long to say or do something, tell them to just: 'Put the fries in the bag, will ya?!'

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☕ Barista or Café Server – The Caffeinated Oracle

Vibe: Trendy, chronically exhausted, spiritually sustained by espresso shots, and one latte-art heart away from a breakdown. A walking blend of indie-film aesthetic and customer-service trauma. Could tell your life story based solely on your drink order — and will judge it.

Costume (from your closet): Flannel shirt layered over a faded tee, beanie worn indoors like a lifestyle choice, apron tied in a messy knot, jeans cuffed at the ankles, and shoes that have stepped in every syrup known to mankind.

Easy to buy: Milk frother, coffee-themed stickers, reusable straw, enamel pins that say things like “Death Before Decaf.”

Props: To-go cup with a name spelled catastrophically wrong, notebook for absurdly complicated drink orders, pen tucked behind ear, wooden stir sticks, fake bag of beans labeled “Single-Origin Pretentious Blend.”

Quirks & How to Act:
Mispronounce every single name on purpose. Stare into the distance like remembering a traumatic Frappuccino rush. Judge people’s drink choices with tiny eyebrow flicks. Whisper “double shot… for my soul” before every order you take. Do elaborate hand motions when describing drinks no one asked about. Walk with the speed of someone who has had six espressos but the enthusiasm of someone who hasn’t slept. Correct people’s pronunciation of “macchiato” with deep emotional pain.

Sayings:
“Your total is… emotional.”
“It’s pronounced macchiato.”
“We’re out of cold foam. Spiritually, I mean.”
“Do you… want room for milk, or room for regret?”
“I can make that, but it will hurt me.”

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🍽 Waiter/Waitress – (Fine Dining Professional or Greasy Spoon Legend)

Vibe: Either stiff-backed, hyper-formal elegance with Michelin-star intensity… OR the chaotic energy of a diner server who’s been doing this since the dawn of time and has seen things. Balances plates like a circus act, walks with the speed of someone who’s five tables behind, and smiles like their soul has a shift minimum.

Costume (from your closet): Black pants, white or black top, apron, comfortable shoes (the kind worn by people who walk 12 miles per shift). Add a tie for fine dining or a retro-pattern shirt for a diner vibe.

Easy to buy: Order pad, serving tray, name tag, guest checkbook.

Props: Water pitcher, towel draped over arm, fake menu, “Today’s Specials” card, empty plates for dramatic bussing.

Quirks & How to Act:
Recite specials with the seriousness of Shakespeare: “Tonight’s feature is a pan-seared salmon, emotionally supported by garlic mashed potatoes…” Lean awkwardly close to whisper, “Are we still working on that?” even if they clearly finished it. Say “No problem at all!” while visibly stressed. Move quickly but stop instantly when someone says “Excuse me?” Give everyone the identical customer-service smile that hides the abyss. Scribble orders furiously, even if it’s just “water.”

Sayings:
“I’ll be right back with that.” (You will not.)
“Can I get you anything else? Water? Therapy?”
“Who ordered the… gesture vaguely at plate… this thing?”
“If anything’s wrong, the kitchen messed it up, not me.”

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🍸 Bartender – (Craft Cocktail Snob or Laid-Back Dive-Slinger)

Vibe: Either a pretentious mixology wizard who talks about bitters like they’re fine art… OR a dive-bar veteran who has mastered the art of listening, pouring, and ignoring nonsense. Equal parts therapist, alchemist, and resident chaos controller.

Costume (from your closet): Rolled-up sleeves, vest, apron, dark jeans, boots or slip-resistant shoes. Add suspenders for “I know way too much about vermouth” energy.

Easy to buy: Cocktail shaker, jigger, plastic garnish kit, muddler.

Props: Bar rag (never fully clean), bottle opener, fake lemon wedge, cocktail picks, coaster stack.

Quirks & How to Act:
Wipe the same section of bar forever, even though it was clean 45 minutes ago. Shake imaginary drinks violently like you’re releasing emotional baggage. Lean in and say, “You okay, champ?” to strangers. Slide imaginary glasses across surfaces with flair. Give unsolicited life advice, even inappropriately timed. Sniff drinks dramatically even if they’re imaginary. Talk about “mouthfeel” way too seriously (mixologist) or shrug like nothing matters (dive bartender).

Sayings:
“It’s been that kind of night…”
“This one’s on… someone.”
“Yeah, I can make that. No, I won’t enjoy it.”
“That drink? Oh, honey… that’s a red flag in a glass.”
“If you break it, you buy me a new one.”

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🛎 Hotel Staff (Bellhop, Concierge, or Valet)

Vibe: Polite on the outside, screaming inside.
Costume (from your closet): Blazer, dress pants, white shirt - or a tux. Bellhop: red or navy top + gold trim (DIY).
Easy to buy: Mini bell, name tag.
Props: Clipboard, room key cards (fake), luggage cart (imaginary).
Quirks & How to Act: Offer help no one asked for. Speak in perfect customer-service voice. Take imaginary bags.
Sayings: “Your comfort is our priority.” / “Let me take care of that for you…”

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🛼 Carhop or Drive-In Server

Vibe: Retro charm, buzzing energy, roller-skate confidence (real or fake).
Costume (from your closet): Poodle skirt or shorts, polo, apron.
Easy to buy: Plastic food tray.
Props: Fake milkshake, roller skates, order slips.
Quirks & How to Act: Glide (or pretend to glide), balance trays dramatically, call everyone “hon.”
Sayings: “Coming right up, sugar!”

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🥤 Diner Host, Busser, or Food Truck Worker

Vibe: Busy, sassy, and deeply unimpressed.
Costume (from your closet): Button-down, apron, comfortable shoes.
Easy to buy: Check presenter, guest counter.
Props: Menus, rag, tray.
Quirks & How to Act: Seat imaginary groups. Yell “Order up!” even when there’s no kitchen.
Sayings: “Sit anywhere, we’re short-staffed.”

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🔪 Chef, Sous Chef, or Line Cook – The Culinary Tyrant (With a Heart of… Butter?)

Vibe: A perfectionist with volcanic passion, the precision of a surgeon, and the emotional stability of a pressure cooker on its last safety valve. One part Gordon Ramsay meltdown, one part Emeril Lagasse “BAM!” enthusiasm, and one part unhinged line cook energy. Equal bits terrifying and inspirational.

Costume (from your closet):
White button-down, chef coat, or crisp white T-shirt. Black pants or checkered kitchen trousers. Apron tied aggressively tight, like you’re preparing for culinary combat. Sturdy sneakers or clogs — you mean business.

Easy to buy:
Chef hat (tall or floppy), wooden spoon, spatula, fake herbs. Optional: a dramatic neckerchief so you can rant at maximum flair.

Props:
Ladle (your scepter of rage), oven mitt, whisk, plastic cutting board, clipboard labeled “PREP LIST – Don’t Mess This Up.” A towel slung over your shoulder for maximum authority. Fake lemons for yelling “THIS ISN’T EVEN ZESTED!”

Quirks & How to Act:
Move like you’re in the middle of dinner rush and everything is falling apart. Clap loudly to punctuate instructions. Taste imaginary food, nod thoughtfully, then SCREAM. Point your ladle like it’s a weapon. Snap your fingers at invisible line cooks who “aren’t firing the risotto.” Randomly shout “BEHIND!” anytime you walk past someone. Plate invisible dishes with dramatic, meticulous flourish, then slam the imaginary plate down and whisper, “Beautiful.” Hurl theatrical insults at nonexistent mistakes: “WHO BURNED THE WATER?!” Threaten everyone with RAW. SCALLOPS. when they get too comfortable. Occasionally whisper “BAM!” as you sprinkle imaginary seasoning with showmanship.

Sayings:
“Get out of my kitchen!”
“This risotto… is a CRIME SCENE.”
“I asked for perfection, not whatever THAT was.”
“Service! Let’s MOVE!”
“I swear if one more person underseasons something—!”
“Taste that? No? EXACTLY.”

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🥐 Pastry Chef

Vibe: Calm, precise, and quietly unhinged about sugar ratios. Smiles sweetly while harboring intense opinions about butter temperature and crumb structure.

Costume (from your closet): White or pastel top, apron, slim pants. Optional baker’s cap or headscarf. Everything looks clean… too clean.

Easy to buy: Whisk, piping bag, rolling pin, mini torch (fake).

Props: Fake pastries, pastry box, measuring spoons, notebook labeled “FORMULAS,” powdered sugar shaker.

Quirks & How to Act:
Move carefully and deliberately. Measure everything with exaggerated seriousness. Dust imaginary surfaces with powdered sugar like a ritual. Correct people gently but firmly. Say “that needs to rest” about both dough and people.

Sayings:
“It’s about balance.”
“Sugar is chemistry.”
“This would collapse.”
“I warned them about the humidity.”
“I don’t rush perfection.”

🍳 How a Pastry Chef Differs from a Traditional Chef

• Pastry chefs are precise; chefs are loud.
  Pastry is chemistry—one wrong gram and everything fails. Chefs improvise; pastry chefs calculate.

• Pastry chefs whisper; chefs shout.
  The pastry chef judges silently while the line cook yells “BEHIND!”

• Pastry chefs plan hours ahead; chefs react in chaos.
  Pastry requires timing, resting, and patience. Line cooks survive dinner rush adrenaline.

• Pastry chefs hold grudges politely.
  If someone messes with a pastry station, it’s never forgotten—just documented.

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🧖 Spa Attendant

Vibe: Relaxed, soothing, borderline judgmental about your pores.
Costume (from your closet): White robe, tank top, shorts, sandals.
Easy to buy: Towel wrap, facial headband.
Props: Lotion bottle, spray mister, comb, fake nail polish.
Quirks & How to Act: Speak softly. Give people unsolicited “self-care tips.” Wipe invisible surfaces like they’re sacred.
Sayings: “And breathe… deeply.”

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🔪 Butcher – The Cheerful Carnivore

Vibe: Friendly, chatty, and just a little too excited about bone structure. Think “small-town butcher who knows everyone’s order”—with a dash of “I could debone a chicken blindfolded.” Warm smile, unsettling blade skills.

Costume (from your closet): Apron (bonus if stained—fake only!), plaid shirt or white tee, jeans or work pants, heavy boots. Roll up your sleeves like you’re ready to break down a side of beef at any moment.

Easy to buy: Plastic cleaver, toy cleaver, rubber gloves, butcher-paper roll, faux-blood apron (PG-13 only).

Props: Meat tenderizer, twine, recipe cards, butcher paper, a chalkboard with “TODAY’S CUTS,” thermometer, spice rub jars, toy slab of meat.

Quirks & How to Act:
Sharpen imaginary knives with chilling contentment. Hold up random objects to “inspect the marbling.” Speak in dramatic whispers about cuts like brisket and ribeye as if they are forbidden artifacts. Talk about “fat cap integrity.” Gesture slicing motions when explaining literally anything. Offer unsolicited grilling advice. Tap objects like you’re testing them for tenderness. Stare approvingly at muscular people.

Sayings:
“That’s a choice cut.”
“You look… tender.”
“Beautiful marbling. Absolutely gorgeous.”
“Let it rest. Everything needs a good rest.”
“I could carve that in my sleep.”

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🍷 Sommelier – The Soft-Spoken Wine Wizard

Vibe: Elegant, poetic, mildly pretentious, and armed with an encyclopedic knowledge of grapes. Treats wine like religion and tasting notes like commandments. Smells everything.

Costume (from your closet): Dress shirt or blouse, vest or blazer, black slacks or skirt, nice shoes. Hair neatly styled. If you have a black apron—perfection.

Easy to buy: Plastic wine glass, wine opener, tasting notebook, lapel pin.

Props: Corkscrew, tasting cards, cloth for polishing glasses, decanter (real or fake), empty bottle, aroma wheel chart.

Quirks & How to Act:
Swirl imaginary wine dramatically. Smell the air, walls, or people with deep concentration. Describe everything in fruity metaphors: “Hints of despair with a cherry finish.” Tilt your head philosophically before responding to questions. Offer pairing advice for snacks no one asked about. Whisper “velvety tannins” like a secret spell. Close your eyes when sipping anything—water included. Clap politely after someone pronounces “Cabernet” correctly.

Sayings:
“Mmm, I’m getting notes of… nostalgia.”
“This pairs beautifully with… conversations of regret.”
“It’s bold. It’s daring. It’s… room temperature.”
“Let the wine breathe. Some of us need to breathe, too.”
“Lovely legs. Gorgeous legs. On the glass, I mean.”

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🧪 Health / Food Inspector

Vibe: Calm, clipboard-wielding authority with a smile that says someone is about to fail. Speaks softly, judges silently, and can shut down an entire operation with one raised eyebrow.
Costume (from your closet): Neutral business-casual outfit, sensible shoes, light jacket or blazer. The look should say “government-issued patience.”
Easy to buy: Clipboard, badge holder, disposable gloves, thermometer, pen.
Props: Inspection checklist, flashlight, test strips, zip-top bag labeled “Sample,” phone for “documentation.”
Quirks & How to Act: Peer closely at everything. Sniff the air suspiciously. Take notes constantly. Pause before writing anything, then sigh. Ask harmless questions that feel deeply threatening. Announce you’ll “circle back” and never explain what that means.
Sayings:

“I’m just here to make sure everyone’s safe.”
“Interesting.”
“That’s… not ideal.”
“I’ll need to note that.”
“You might want to fix this before my next visit.”

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💇 Hair Stylist / Salon Pro

Vibe: Confident, chatty, and armed with scissors that somehow make people confess everything. Knows every secret because nobody can resist talking when trapped in a chair.

Costume (from your closet): All-black outfit or stylish top, apron or smock, comfortable shoes. Extra points for dramatic accessories or a bold scarf.

Easy to buy: Spray bottle, hair clips, comb, round brush.

Props: Foil sheets, curling iron (unplugged), mirror, blow dryer (off), magazine labeled “Before & After.”

Quirks & How to Act:
Tilt your head thoughtfully before every sentence. Touch people’s hair without actually touching. Gasp quietly at imaginary split ends. Say “I’m just saying this as a professional…” before delivering gossip. Pretend everyone’s hair needs “a little trim.”

Sayings:
“Don’t worry, I’ve seen worse.”
“So… what’s really going on?”
“I can tell a lot by someone’s hair.”
“This is going to look amazing—trust me.”
“People tell me things.”

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