Possible Titles:

• Baroness of Botanicals

• Sir Shovelot, Duke of Dirt

• Count Compost

• The Marigold Whisperer

• Dame Fernanda Mulchworth

• Her Leafiness

• The Mulch Messiah

​

What’s In Your Closet (and Shed)

Closet Item = Nature-Obsessed Rebrand

Overalls or cargo pants= Gardening regalia

Flannel shirt or linen button-up= Earth-toned elegance

Wide-brim hat or sun visor= Crown of Chlorophyll

Utility vest or apron= Tool belt of plant-based justice

Gloves (leather or knit)= Sacred gauntlets of grubbery

Tall boots or Crocs= Regal stompers of the soil

​

Hair/Makeup/Accessories - girls:

Hair

• Big messy braid woven with fake leaves, twine, or dried flowers

• Or a low loose bun tucked under a wide-brimmed sunhat with wild tendrils escaping

• Crown it with a flower headband, woven herbs, or a literal twig nest

 

 Makeup

• Earth goddess meets farmer’s market drama:

  • Eyes: green, gold, and brown eyeshadow — natural shimmer with woodland depth

  • Cheeks: rosy from “a brisk composting session”

  • Lips: berry-toned, like you just ate fruit off a vine without asking

• Optional:

  • Draw a vine curling up your neck or temple with eyeliner

​

 

 

Accessories

• Tiny potted plant you cradle like a royal heir

• Toy/fake Shears or trowel in a belt holster like a sidearm

• Seed packets for bribery or passive-aggressive gifting

• Compostable notebook for “threats and to-do lists”

• A carrot for dramatic pointing

• Gardening gloves (with one finger always off for texting or casting spells)

• Tote bag of seed packets, tea tins, or tiny fake succulents

• Necklace made of beans or herb bundles

• Fake garden shears, twine in a pocket, and a spray bottle labeled “Mist of Truth”

• Wide-brim hat covered in fabric butterflies, bees, or birds (or literal moss if you’re that kind of dramatic)

​

​Hair/grooming/accessories - boys:

​

Hair

• Tousled and windblown, like you just survived a rogue sprinkler attack

• Or neatly parted under a bucket hat or straw sun hat you definitely named

• Tuck in a flower behind one ear for chaotic wholesome energy

 

Grooming / Makeup

• Smudge a little “soil” (brown eyeshadow) on the cheek or collar for a lived-in look

• Optional freckles, sunburn blush, or a beet-stained lip balm moment

• Spritz face with rosewater and call it “dew-kissed”

 

 Accessories

• Toolbelt or apron with ridiculous things inside:

  • Seed bombs

  • Basil cuttings

  • An acorn named Greg

​

 Sample Phrases

• “I don’t mean to be rude, but your lawn is a cry for help.”

• “I only bow to two things: the sun and heirloom tomatoes.”

• “Do I look like I was fertilized yesterday?”

• “That’s not gossip — that’s compost.”

• “I came here to photosynthesize and start a revolution.”

• “Don’t make me mulch you.”

​​

How to Speak

• Whisper reverently to houseplants

• Groan at synthetic fabrics

• Use phrases like:

  • “Let me dig into that...”

  • “Emotionally, I’m a moss-covered log.”

  • “You can’t rush growth, darling — unless it’s invasive.”

​

How to Act

• Carry a tiny watering can like it’s holy relic

• Offer unsolicited advice about soil acidity

• Flinch when someone says "AstroTurf"

• Smell herbs mid-sentence for dramatic effect

• Gasp when someone throws away a banana peel instead of composting

​

Optional Activist Spin

• Carry a reusable tote that says “Plastic is for peasants”

• Wear pins that say things like “Tree Hugger, People Shrugger” or “Certified Leaf Licker”

• Hand out “propaganda pamphlets” made from wildflower seed paper