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Cruise Ship Magician (or Illusionist “Extraordinaire”)

Can’t pronounce “prestidigitation,” but still charges for it.
Costume: Sequin jacket, black slacks, slightly dented top hat.
Behavior: Constantly pulling things from pockets. Says, “Pick a card—any card,” even during serious conversations. Refers to magic as “the craft.”

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Lounge Singer (Smooth or Slightly Tragic)

Owns one velvet blazer and 12 tales of “almost making it.”
Costume: Glittery dress or tuxedo-ish ensemble, mic prop, dramatic scarf.
Behavior: Breaks into song unexpectedly. Overuses jazz hands. Flirts with everyone—especially people who aren’t into it.

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Cruise Ship DJ / Party Host

High energy. Low standards. Possibly stuck in 2012.
Costume: Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, DJ headset, glittery fanny pack.
Behavior: Yells “Make some NOOOOISE!” even when it's inappropriate. Refers to random events as “your main stage moment.”

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Comedian (Not Funny, But Loud)

Never gets laughs, but refuses to leave the stage.
Costume: Blazer with sneakers, graphic tee, prop mic, confidence of a Netflix special.
Behavior: Forces punchlines. Yells “Tough crowd!” constantly. Laughs at own jokes—alone.

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Motivational Speaker / Life Coach (Dubious at Best)

Selling success for $99 a ticket. Refund not included.
Costume: Blazer over a t-shirt with vague slogan (“Live. Laugh. Hustle.”), headset mic, clipboard.
Behavior: Shouts life advice like “BE THE SHARK!” Hands out “vision cards.” Asks “What’s your why?” without mercy.

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Stage Hypnotist (Low Budget, High Ego)

Claims they can control minds. Can’t even control their Wi-Fi.
Costume: Satin vest, pocket watch, odd cape if ya feel bold.
Behavior: Claps hands and yells “SLEEP!” at random. Constantly disappointed no one’s clucking like a chicken yet.

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Prop Comic / Accordion Musician / Variety Act

Something's happening. No one knows why.
Costume: Mismatched outfit with loud accessories (funny hat, light-up tie, novelty socks).
Behavior: Tells bad jokes followed by sound effects. Carries an accordion or rubber chicken “just in case.” Refers to their act as “fusion performance.”

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Classic Aesthetic:

Lounge Acts & Crooners

• Velvet blazer, rhinestone jewelry, evening gloves

• Mic prop, scarf, glass of “stage water” (or wine)

• Bonus: tear-streaked mascara or lipstick on teeth

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Magicians & Hypnotists

• Top hat, cape, vest, or sequin blazer

• Deck of cards, wand, rubber dove, or bouquet

• Bonus: a wand labeled “Plan B” or a trick deck that doesn’t work

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Cheesy Cruise Hosts / DJs

• Hawaiian shirt, white pants, glow sticks

• Headset mic, party whistle, portable speaker

• Bonus: clipboard labeled “Fun Schedule: Mandatory Fun Hour”

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Accessories for Everyone:

• Glitter microphone, cue cards, plastic award

• Business cards with titles like “Illusion Architect” or “Energy Curator”

• Prop gag items: fake mustache on a stick, squirting flower, yo-yo

• Flyers for their fake act (“Coming to the Sky Deck—The Great Greg!”)

• Guestbook for autographs that no one asks for

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Character Behavior Tips:

• Voice & Diction:

  • Over-enunciate. Add dramatic pauses before unimportant words.

  • Use performance voice for everything, even bathroom directions.

  • Drop fake industry references like “back when I played the Laugh Barge.”

• Mannerisms:

  • Overuse air quotes and jazz hands

  • Wink constantly. Even when it's not appropriate. Especially then.

  • Break into “warm-up stretches” or vocal scales mid-convo

• Catchphrases:

  • “They loved me on Deck 7.”

  • “You’ve been a wonderful crowd—I mean that.”

  • “I usually don’t perform for less than 200... but for you?”

  • “What’s the deal with this shrimp cocktail, am I right?”

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Whether they’re belting off-key ballads, fumbling card tricks, or giving cringe-inducing pep talks, the Jazz Hands, Jokes & Just Barely Hanging On crew brings camp, chaos, and cruise-level comedy to your mystery party. Give them a spotlight—or don’t. They’ll take it anyway.

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