​​​

FOWLER FITZPATRICK

Chicken Farmer, Fitzpatrick Farm

     Fowler Fitzpatrick is the brainy chicken farmer of Old Lacken. Dependable, loyal, and oddly insightful, Fowler is a solid friend to many. Lately, whispers of trouble have been circling Fitzpatrick Farm. It appears as though both the USDA and the EPA have grown interested lately in what is happening on the local chicken farm. 

Fowler knows more about poultry than most people know about their own families. Conversations somehow turn philosophical when eggs are involved. There’s always a calm, calculating look behind those overalls. If chickens could vote, Fowler would win by a landslide. Something or someone is clucking up a tornado of drama in good Old Lacken, and it isn’t just the hens.

Suggested Attire: Overalls with chicken feathers sticking out of everything. Wear a plaid shirt and muddy boots. Add a straw hat and carry a small feed bucket or clipboard with a feeding schedule and chicken health records.

 

NORA NIGHTSHADE

Host, Nora Nightshade's Hour of Horror

     Nora hosts Nora Nightshade’s Hour of Horror, which is a variety horror program on RBC TV that brings the scares on screen. Nora’s got a gothic vibe that can be rather intimidating, but she’s secretly very sweet.

She's always in black, eyes adorned with sharp eyeliner, and she has surprisingly wholesome snack preferences. Through her fan website, fans expect doom and gloom when asking for advice, but are surprised when they get thoughtful, positive messages back. Nora could host a séance or a bake sale with equal confidence. Nora prefers the lighting to be dramatic - even in daylight! 

Nora has a fraternal brother named Norman who produces her show at RBC TV. Even though they were in the same womb, they couldn't be more different. But those two don't let anything tear them apart - they've been besties since birth. 

Suggested Attire: A Vampira/Morticia costume. A long, dramatic black gown with flowing sleeves and a fitted silhouette. Pale makeup, dark lipstick, and sleek black hair.

​

CHEK FLANAGAN

Banker, Clover Ridge Bank

Chek Flanagan is an eccentric banker at Clover Ridge Bank who loves extreme precision. Every calculation rounds to the nearest cent, so grabbing lunch with Chek is a hassle — unless you cover the whole bill. Chek has a spreadsheet for recreational purposes. Splitting appetizers requires a calculator and emotional stamina. The receipt is reviewed like a legal contract. Even tips are mathematically optimized. Chaos fears Chek.

Group dinners turn into audited events with itemized breakdowns delivered before dessert. Chek refers to rounding up as “reckless generosity.” Rumor has it the bank vault feels safer knowing Chek is nearby. Even Chek’s grocery cart moves in straight, efficient lines.

Suggested Attire: Business suit (men's link). And click here for women. Wear navy, charcoal, or black with a perfectly pressed shirt and conservative tie for gents, scarf for ladies. Add a sleek watch, polished shoes, and carry a ledger, calculator, or tablet.

​

SURVEN DALY

 Waitress, Shakin' Shamrock

Surven Daly is a nerdy waitress at the Shakin’ Shamrock Pub. She takes customer service very seriously, so landing a table in Surven’s section means every detail will be handled… thoroughly.

Refills arrive before you realize you’re thirsty. Napkins are squared with geometric precision. Specials are memorized with alarming accuracy. Mistakes are personally offensive to Surven. Excellence is not optional.

Surven appears to enjoy the job at the Shakin' Shamrock, but no job is without complaints. She's not happy about the long shifts and having to share the tips she earned from hard work. However, she loves her colleagues...for the most part.

Suggested Attire: A waitress uniform.  Style hair in playful pigtails and wear oversized black-framed glasses with a strip of tape across the bridge for full academic commitment. Add a server apron, a tiny notepad, and at least three pens

​

KATHLEEN MACDERMOTT

Owner, Shakin’ Shamrock Pub

   Kathleen MacDermott is the moody and insensitive owner of the Shakin’ Shamrock Pub. Nobody likes to be around Kathleen because of her violent mood swings, but her Irish pub is a hot spot in town and the place to be! She bought the pub a year ago and has since made several questionable upgrades, including removing the dartboard “for safety” and replacing traditional music with a playlist she insists is “modern Celtic fusion.” The neon shamrock that now flashes every seven seconds has been described as “aggressive.”

She also introduced kale chips to the menu, which nearly caused a small uprising. Still, she’s forging ahead with the St. Patrick’s Day party as if morale has never been higher. Miraculously, the crowd intends to show up — either for the atmosphere, the drinks, or pure curiosity.

Suggested Attire: Business attire  Wear a polished, Irish-inspired outfit that says “I own this establishment” — think emerald green blazer, sleek black trousers or a tailored dress, and bold gold accents. Add a shamrock pin, statement earrings. 

 

TATOR MCSALSBURY

 Cafeteria Line Worker, Old Lacken Junior High

Tator McSalsbury is the nosy cafeteria worker at Old Lacken Junior High School. Tator knows everything about everyone from eavesdropping on the kids’ conversations. Tator is no stranger to cuttin’ a rug, and will dance at even a hint of music. But Tator hasn't been dancing as much lately — something is going on, but what? The lunch trays are still sliding, but the pep in Tator’s step has clocked out early. Even when the marching band practices nearby, there’s only a mild shoulder twitch instead of a full cafeteria twirl. Rumor has it Tator’s been distracted, counting something other than calories and gossip. The students have noticed, and when middle schoolers notice, it’s serious. Whatever’s weighing on Tator is heavier than a double portion of mystery meat.

Suggested Attire: Hair net and a chef uniform  Or, wear a simple cafeteria-style apron over a comfy shirt and slacks, with sensible shoes built for long lunch lines. Carry a serving spoon or lunch tray.

 

MURPHY BROOKS

 Environmentalist

Murphy Brooks is a deeply sensitive environmentalist and passionate animal-rights activist… with a few blind spots the size of a cattle ranch. Murphy wears leather. Murphy consumes animal products. When questioned, Murphy delivers a passionate speech about ethics that somehow concludes with, “It’s about the energy.” Conversations can also take a theatrical turn. Mid-sentence, Murphy may begin singing instead of speaking. Not a full song. Not a familiar tune. Just intense, improvised emotion. Most townsfolk respond with polite blinking.

Since the pub canceled Thursday night karaoke, Murphy has mostly been at home harmonizing with houseplants. But the St. Patrick's Day party at the Shakin’ Shamrock has reignited hope and possibly a key change for the social better. 

However, Murphy is currently under investigation for “liberating” lobsters from the Sea Lobster restaurant. Charges include burglary and a tragic misunderstanding of freshwater biology. The rescue mission was heartfelt. The river was not.

Suggested Attire: A safari outfit with ‘save the environment/animals’ brochures as optional props. Wear a wide-brimmed field hat ready for “research.” Add binoculars, a reusable water bottle covered in eco-stickers, and maybe a clipboard labeled “Wildlife Observations” for dramatic effect.

 

MORALES MCCARTHY

 Motivational Speaker

Morales McCarthy is a hyperactive motivational speaker and uber-paranoid conspiracy theorist. Morales is convinced that the government is spying on regular citizens. Every keynote somehow pivots from “unlock your potential” to “question the pigeons.” PowerPoint slides regularly include red string diagrams connecting self-improvement to underground lizard leadership. Audience members expecting vision boards but instead receive emergency preparedness checklists. Motivational catchphrases like “Chase your dreams” are immediately followed by “but learn to stay off the grid.” Workshop breakout sessions have included lessons on decoding cereal box messages. At least one corporate retreat ended with a group chant about defeating surveillance via positive affirmations.

Suggested Attire: Business suit (men's link). And click here for women. Wear a sharp blazer over a bold graphic tee that says something vaguely inspirational but slightly alarming. Carry a wireless headset mic and a clipboard covered in sticky notes, red string diagrams, and highlighted “evidence.” Bonus points for a laminated badge that says “TRUTH SUMMIT 2026.” Have aluminum foil on hand - you might need it. Ya never know. 

 

FIONA COLLINS

 Telemarketer, Greenfield Call Center

   This rude vixen of the phone lines will ruin your relaxing night at home with relentless telemarketing sales calls! The regulars at the Shakin’ Shamrock avoid this fiend of the phones, as she’s the rudest regular at the pub. Pretty much everyone in town has her number saved under “Do Not Answer,” but there’s one waiter at the pub, Marco Del Ray, who makes her voice mysteriously soften by at least two decibels. The crush is so obvious it could qualify as caller ID, but she hasn't had the courage to let him in on the little secret yet. A handful of locals are quietly rooting for a romance arc, hoping love might melt the frost faster than a triple-shot latte. If dating happens, Old Lacken might witness the first documented case of a personality defrosting. Until then, the phones keep ringing and the eye rolls keep rolling.

Suggested Attire: Trendy business attire with a headset as an optional prop. Wear a business-casual blazer with a slightly too-bright blouse and a headset that never comes off. Carry a clipboard or tablet with a “call script” (click here for an example you can download/use).

 

ROXY O’REILLY-RICH

 Heiress

Roxy O’Reilly-Rich is the snooty heiress and twelve-time widow. Her mansion is the only one of its kind in the town, but nobody has ever been invited over. The neighbors often wonder what this ritzy diva is hiding. Twelve husbands have come and gone under circumstances described as “tragically mysterious,” with no bodies ever turning up and no solid answers either. Whispers swirl about offshore accounts, suspicious yacht trips, and vague “business associates” with sharp suits and sharper accents. Roxy insists it’s all coincidence and terrible luck in love. Strangely, only extremely wealthy suitors ever seem to catch her attention. And once they do, they tend to vanish from the social calendar permanently.

Suggested Attire: A semi-glamorous evening gown. Money bags as optional props. Wear dramatic jewelry like pearls or oversized diamonds. Add long gloves, dark sunglasses, and carry a lace handkerchief for tasteful “grieving.” A faux fur stole or jeweled ring completes the look. 

 

SOCCO SHANAHAN

MLS Goalie, St. Lacken Football Club

Socco Shanahan is a Major League Soccer player for the St. Lacken Football Club, holding down the goal at St. Brendan’s Park. He is bluntly honest, so if you don’t want to hear the truth, avoid him at all costs. Socco over-explains things to the extreme, so be careful what you ask this thorough goalie. Ask how practice went, and prepare for a full tactical breakdown complete with wind speed analysis. Compliment his haircut, and receive a twelve-step explanation of follicle aerodynamics. Small talk turns into a post-game press conference in under thirty seconds. Socco does not sugarcoat, garnish, or lightly season the truth. If honesty were a sport, he'd already have a championship ring.

Suggested Attire: Any soccer uniform. Bright, long-sleeve goalie jersey with matching athletic shorts and tall soccer socks. Add padded goalie gloves and cleats or sneakers, and carry a soccer ball. 

 

SUMMER O’KEEFE

 Lifeguard, Old Lacken Community Pool

Summer O’Keefe is the spunky lifeguard at the Old Lacken Community Pool. She likes to mock people around her and has a reputation for being greedy. If you don’t like losing, don’t fall into a situation where Summer could take advantage of you. Recently, Summer debuted a brand-new boyfriend who just so happens to be a freshly minted lottery millionaire. The romance appeared almost immediately after the winning numbers were announced. Observers have noted that personality seems to matter less than portfolio these days. The new beau may not be turning heads, but the bank account certainly is. Summer insists it’s true love, and absolutely not a coincidence involving commas.

Suggested Attire: Warm-up suit or lifeguard costume. 

Wear a classic red lifeguard swimsuit or athletic tank with red shorts/warm-ups, plus a whistle on a lanyard and sporty sunglasses. Add flip-flops or athletic slides and carry a rescue buoy or sunscreen bottle. 

​

RITA O’BOOKADAY

Clerk, Once Upon a Bookstore

     Rita O’Bookaday is an antisocial clerk who silently judges everyone who walks into Once Upon a Bookstore. Customers notice the judgmental vibes immediately, and friends worry about the shop’s sinking reputation. Germs are Rita’s greatest enemy — so there are no hugs or handshakes with this bookworm.

     Eye contact is limited and earned. Book recommendations come with mild criticism. Sanitizer is applied like holy water. Rita trusts novels more than people. The vibe is quiet, sterile, and slightly superior.

Suggested Attire: A conservative, nerdy outfit. Wear a cozy cardigan over a modest blouse with a knee-length skirt or tailored slacks for that classic bookish vibe. Add sensible flats, oversized glasses, and carry a stack of novels or a clipboard for “inventory.” Hair in a low bun or neat braid completes the look. 

​

FLYNN WATTS

 Electrician

Flynn Watts is the most annoying one-upper in town. No matter your story, Flynn has done it, tried it, accomplished it, owns it, or already went there twice! However, Flynn is a skilled electrician and has wired most of the town of Old Lacken. If a light turns on anywhere in town, chances are Flynn installed it and will absolutely remind you. Recently, though, whispers suggest the voltage isn’t the only thing running low. Flynn has been asking for extra hours at a second, part-time job, which is unusual for someone who claims to be “crushing it financially.” The bragging remains fully powered, but the bank account may be flickering. Still, if there’s a blackout, Flynn will fix it—and tell a better blackout story than yours.

Suggested Attire: Coveralls with any electric company logo on the pocket. Or a work shirt or utility button-down with durable jeans and sturdy boots. Add a tool belt with pliers and a flashlight, and carry a coil of wires. 

 

HILAR T. O’SHEA

 Comic, No Refunds Comedy Club

    Hilar T. O’Shea is an outgoing local comedian who performs twice weekly at No Refunds Comedy Club. If Hilar’s around, everyone is laughing. He rarely goes anywhere without his best buddies and fellow comics from the club.

     Hilar treats everyday conversations like open mic night. Even a grocery list turns into a five-minute bit. The punchlines land whether you’re ready or not. Silence makes him nervous. Somewhere nearby, a rimshot is spiritually playing.

Suggested Attire: Any outrageous attire to make people laugh. Or, wear dark jeans with a slightly wrinkled blazer over a graphic tee, like you just stepped off stage. Add casual sneakers, hold a microphone or notepad full of “new material."

 

TAKEY MCTAKERTON

 Professional Moocher

Takey McTakerton has been unemployed since he lost his job at the car wash and moved in with his great-grandmother. He borrows money for his living experiences, and everyone is paranoid that Takey will ask for money. Ducks fly with ducks, so Takey hangs around fellow mooches. As if begging for cash isn’t irritating enough, this crew is always impersonating animals. Takey now resides in GranGran’s basement headquarters, where the curtains stay closed and the gaming consoles never sleep. The squad runs on energy drinks, borrowed Wi-Fi, and pure audacity. Days are for sleeping. Nights are for yelling at strangers through headsets. Income appears to be generated exclusively through creative pleading. Somehow, despite existing on vibes and Venmo requests, Takey remains fully confident a “big opportunity” is right around the corner.

Suggested Attire: White sleeveless t-shirt with stains on it and jeans.  An empty wallet as an optional prop. Or pajamas and a bathrobe - anything that makes you look unemployed. 

 

FRIENDS OF TAKEY MCTAKERTON

Unemployed Moochers

This group has learned how to acquire 'loans' from friends to pay their bills.  They hang out all day and night in Takey McTakerton's basement, playing video games and sleeping. 

Suggested Attire: White sleeveless t-shirt with stains on it and jeans.  An empty wallet as an optional prop. Or pajamas and a bathrobe - anything that makes you look unemployed. 

 

HILAR T. O'SHEA'S COLLEAGUES

Comics, No Refunds Comedy Club

Get in a room with these hilarious folks, and you'll leave crying with laughter. Hilar O'Shea is usually seen with a group of fellow comics who keep each other in stitches. 

Suggested Attire: A t-shirt with a humorous saying on it with jeans - or other outrageous attire to make people laugh.

​

 LORI CINGABAR

Headliner/Singer, Old Lacken Lounge

Lori Cingabar is an aspiring pop star and a regular performer at the Old Lacken Lounge. She believes she’s talented but hasn’t been lucky enough to catch a big break into the entertainment industry. If there’s a need for a peacemaker, she’s your girl.

Lori doesn’t just enter a room — she arrives. Every conversation has background music in her head. High notes are attempted boldly and without fear. Autographs are mentally prepared in advance. The dream is stadium lights, but for now, it’s dim lounge lighting and unwavering confidence.

Suggested attire: Lounge singer gown - Add big costume jewelry, glamorous curls, and carry a vintage-style microphone.

 

THE CINGABAR ENTOURAGE

No star shines alone, and Lori’s self-declared entourage makes sure everyone knows it. These loyal hype-humans travel in a tight pack, clapping a little too hard and defending Lori in arguments nobody started. They refer to themselves as “management” despite managing absolutely nothing. At least one member is constantly recording “content.” They believe the breakthrough is imminent. Security clearance not required — enthusiasm is.

Suggested attire: Sunglasses indoors encouraged. Clipboards, phones, or “VIP” badges as optional props. Bring a makeup kit to do touch-ups, a handheld mirror, Lori's schedule, or any other 'entourage-worthy' props. For your fit - go for a more streamlined, wearing sleek black so my star stands out look. 

​

 TEX BULTAMER

 Rodeo Cowboy

If there were a movie named Cowboy and a Gentleman, Tex Bultamer would have the starring role. Chivalry is still alive according to Tex, as he hands the world over to the ladies. However, he’s a no-nonsense cowboy and tells it how he sees things. If you don’t want to hear the truth, stay clear of this good ‘ole boy.

Tex believes handshakes should be firm and opinions firmer. Boots are polished. Principles are not negotiable. If something needs saying, Tex will say it — probably loudly. The rodeo may last one day, but Tex lives like it’s year-round.

Suggested attire: Any cowboy (western) costume. Wear a fitted plaid or western snap shirt tucked into worn jeans with a big belt buckle and scuffed cowboy boots. Add a classic cowboy hat and carry a bandana or rodeo rope. 

 

 SYLVIA PLANCE

 Professional Gardener 

Sylvia Plance is the most adventurous soul you’ll ever meet. A real jet setter, talented gardener, and nature lover, Sylvia has traveled around the world and experienced cultures and cuisine that most will only ever see on exotic television shows!

Passport stamps outnumber houseplants. Stories begin with “When I was in Bali…” and rarely end quickly. Sylvia can identify rare orchids and obscure spices without hesitation. The backyard is treated like a global ecosystem. Dirt under the fingernails is considered a badge of honor.

Sylvia rolls around town with dirt smudges on her face and soil packed under her fingernails, and some townsfolk are always quick to make sassy comments about her 'one with nature' vibes. Sylvia doesn't care what they say. She's living her best life.

Suggested attire: Casual gardener look with hair pulled back into a ponytail.  Gardening gloves, flowers and a small gardening shovel as optional props. Or, you can put a fun spin and wear a garden gnome or sunflower costume. If you want to put a few dirt smudges on your cheeks - go for it! (Leave the dirt under your nails out of it — this is a costume, not a tetanus speedrun.)

 

 KARAN O’HARE

 Hairstylist, Curl Up & Dye

The trendy Karan O’Hare is the town’s guru on fashion and style. She’s an excellent listener and the most talented hairstylist in town! Her appointment books are booked solid, and it’s taking clients months to get in to see her! Plan ahead if you need a cut and style!

Karan knows everyone’s secrets and everyone’s split ends. Gossip travels faster than hair dye in her chair. The salon is equal parts therapy session and transformation station. Bad decisions are gently corrected — with layers. If there’s drama in town, Karan heard it first.

Suggested attire: Trendy outfit with a hair-cutting apron as an optional prop.  A teasing comb and a hand-held mirror as additional optional props.

​

RORY KELLY

Barback, Shakin’ Shamrock

Rory Kelly is the barback at the Shakin’ Shamrock and the most vocal opponent of St. Patrick’s Day pinching in town. According to Rory, pinching is outdated, aggressive, and “technically an attack.” While restocking bottles and hauling ice, Rory keeps a sharp eye on wandering hands and uncovered sleeves. One pinch and Rory will report you — with extreme enthusiasm.

Rory is a former Navy SEAL who retired in pursuit of a quieter life in Old Lacken. After years of high-stakes intensity, hauling kegs feels pleasantly low-risk. Tending the actual bar, however, involves entirely too much small talk. Rory prefers the calm efficiency of stocking shelves and moving in silence. Crowds are tolerated, not embraced. Peace and quiet are the real mission now.

Suggested attire: Bartender costume.  Dark jeans, fitted black shirt/or forest green. Flannel or casual-button-down (green). Optional black apron on your waist with green hand towels. If you can find a 'No Pinching' button or make one (or a sign) - that's amazing.

​

SHERIFF NELSON

 Old Lacken County Sheriff

Sheriff Nelson is the brave sheriff of Old Lacken County. Criminals beware! If Sheriff Nelson is hot on your trail, you should turn yourself in, as you are going to be in cuffs by sundown.

Sheriff Nelson walks with purpose and scans a room in seconds. Sunglasses are optional, authority is not. Justice moves quickly in Old Lacken. Excuses are not persuasive. If things get heated, the badge wins.

Suggested attire: Sheriff uniform or dark-colored clothing with a badge/sheriff's hat as an optional prop.

 

DEPUTIES OF OLD LACKEN COUNTY

These loyal enforcers move as a unit and back the badge without hesitation. At least one deputy takes notes like a detective in a crime documentary. Flashlights are dramatically overused. Suspicious activity is always “under investigation.” Backup arrives fast in Old Lacken.

Suggested attire: Deputy uniform or dark-colored clothing with a badge/sheriff's hat as an optional prop. If you can - try to coordinate costumes with Sheriff Nelson (your team leader).