Mullets & Mayhem | YourMysteryParty

Enjoy the ride, y'all!

Come on down to the Mullet Fest for a hootin' good time! Enjoy an array of activities such as the beverage pong tourney, fishin' tourney, pumpkin chunkin' contest, hot dog eatin' contest, tater sack races, and other fun games.

We'll have a stage for local performances and awesome musical acts. Also, plenty of delicious fried food options at Flo's Fried Palace. Plus, you can get a mullet cut and take home souvenirs from our vendors, such as Tats and Tiaras, to remember the day. So come on down for a day of good old-fashioned country fun!

henpecked junction's neighborhoods:

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Mullet Fest Ticket Holders

PONY T. SKEETERS

Worm Picker
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 2
Birthday: January 1st

Pony T. Skeeters is a professional worm picker and bait salesperson at the Henpecked Marina. Pony’s socially awkward, sings opera most of the day and bites at their lip ferociously as they try to recall events. As peculiar as this worm farmer is, Pony adores being the center of attention and is obsessed with the color blue. Pony loves to wear blue, talk about blue things, and negotiate to purchase or trade for blue things.
Pony works out in their free time and is incredibly knowledgeable about bodybuilding and nutrition. Pony is a fitness freak and a great source of information for anyone who wants to get in shape.
Pony has many accolades, but recently, has been caught up in a few situations where throwing a dirt cup full of worms was Pony's answer. Some of the townies aren't very happy with Pony right now.
Also, Pony has recently reported stray dogs in the trailer park to the management. Pony is sick and tired of being chased around by dogs not on leashes.

LIPTON DITTYBOPPER

Online Retail Store Owner
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 11
Birthday: October 22nd

Lipton Dittybopper owns the online shop on Eggsy called The Redneckery – a handmade jewelry shop selling quirky jewelry from trash Lipton finds on the street, such as soda can tops, candy wrappers, cigarette butts, and more.
Lipton trusts everyone, is obsessed with pop culture, and is a rabid but fake vegan. Lipton can be highly judgmental and will insult others out of earshot.
Lipton once saved a kitten from the top of a tree, and it somehow made national news. Of course, you get to hear about it every time you see Lipton – who never misses a trivia night at the Rebel Yell Waterin’ Hole.
Unfortunately, a porch pirate is threatening Lipton's livelihood with the locals. Many of Lipton's local packages have been swiped by the notorious Henpecked Junction porch pirate.

PISTOL JONES

Phlebotomist
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 8
Birthday: July 29th

Pistol Jones has come a long way since being the notorious class clown of Henpecked Junction. Today, Pistol's the town phlebotomist at the Red Rooster Hospital. While getting your blood drawn, you'll always be engaged, as this blood drawer is an excessive winker and clicks their tongue after they finish talking. Like a star in an action flick, Pistol must always stand facing a door and secretly has an escape plan. Nobody knows where this paranoia grew from, but Pistol has zero trust in the government at any level.
Pistol has an uncanny photographic memory and loves to participate in recreational sports. Pistol has always been quite the athlete.
There were rumors going around - which were later found to be untrue - that Pistol was offering DNA testing without the patient's consent. So, if you wanted to know if you were related to so-and-so - you supposedly had to fork over a twenty spot and you'd find out. This was all a nasty rumor, though.

CLETUS BOTTUMS

Taxi Cab Driver
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 13
Birthday: June 7th

Cletus Bottums runs the only taxi service in town – I'll Get Ya There. Cletus spends most evenings shuttling the residents of the four trailer parks in town to the Rebel Yell Waterin' Hole or the Spotted Stag Dance Hall. Cletus loves to play games and often leaves notes for others to find. When challenged, he can be pretty passive-aggressive and will call his mother for advice. However, this shuttler will walk away from conversations without losing eye contact, which is bizarre.
An incredibly talented musician, Cletus was a child prodigy who picked up his daddy's guitar as a tot and never looked back. There isn't a song that Cletus can't strum. So, to no surprise, Cletus is working on his first album. Nevertheless, it's been in the making for almost ten years now.
Recently, other types of car services have been coming to Henpecked Junction and stealing rides from the nightlife to the trailer parks. Cletus is livid, to say the least.

SWEETPEA EVERSNOT

Private Detective
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 25
Birthday: December 24th

The always-starving private detective of Henpecked Junction is named Sweetpea Eversnot. This PI is suspicious of everyone and everything and has impeccable skills with social deduction. Sweetpea expects undying loyalty from everyone. Unfortunately, this detective isn’t loyal to anyone.
During group chats, Sweetpea will answer for people by figuring out what they’d say by context clues. This practice tends to irritate others, but they all would agree that Sweetpea hits the nail on the head every time. So, there is no better sleuth for miles, and Sweetpea will get the job if a pet is missing, a friend or business associate is suspected of disloyalty, or maybe someone wants to track down a relative who’s left town. Detective Eversnot will go to the ends of the Earth to solve the case.
There aren't many people in town that Sweetpea hasn't been hired to investigate. But one thing that baffles everyone is why Sweetpea hasn't caught the notorious porch pirate that has been thieving packages from the four trailer parks all year.

BOO-BOO BONEFAT

Mayor of Henpecked Valley
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 5
Birthday: July 12th

Boo-Boo Bonefat has been the residing mayor of Henpecked Junction for almost a decade. Boo-Boo despises change of any kind and manages the town with questionable practices. Boo-Boo will make up words to make your brain spin while gazing into your eyes with unreadable facial expressions. A severe hypochondriac, don’t get the sniffles around Boo-Boo, or you’ll throw this politician into a freak-out fit.
The mayor often scribbles things in a small notebook, but nobody knows why. Boo-Boo is freakishly organized, which enhances their deductive reasoning skills. The mayor is also the town’s protector of animals and a rather gifted storyteller.
There are rumors that have hit the mayor's ears about a few others who are gearing up for a mayoral campaign for the next election. Boo-Boo has been super-paranoid lately.

RED CLUTTERBUCK

Ventriloquist
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 1
Birthday: November 5th

Red Clutterbuck is the terrible-mannered ventriloquist who has become quite the UTube sensation. Oddly enough, Red's doll named Daryl exudes perfect etiquette. Red is a talker who loves to hear their voice drone on as they over-describe everything. A continual giggler, this comic brings their knees up too much while walking. People need help figuring out what Red's trying to avoid stepping on.
Red performs impromptu at the Henpecked Junction's Town Square and swears that a world tour is in the works. Red wants nothing more than to get on a stage in front of people with the hilarious and often viral comedy act – Corndogs with Daryl & Red.
Red is incensed over not being allowed to perform on the main stage at Mullet Fest. Nobody really knows why the mayor won't allow it, but Red won't stop ranting about the situation.

RANSOM CORNFOOT

Janitor
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 20
Birthday: April 30th

Ransom Cornfoot has never heard an unfunny joke, as this janitor is always cackling. But Ransom’s got a laugh you’ll always remember. It’s potentially the most obnoxious snort-filled chuckle-giggles your ears have ever consumed.
Ransom is a free-lance janitor contracted to clean up the high school, city hall, and a few other businesses in Henpecked Junction. This mop wielder is constantly pacing and worried about something.
But Ransom is polite and is one to tuck a napkin in their shirt even if only drinking soda pop. A thoughtful gift giver, Ransom is a dear friend to have. But, unfortunately, this clean freak never dresses appropriately for any occasion or weather. For example, if you have a wedding in the summer – you better bet Ransom is showing up in overalls and a parka but will wear a short-sleeved tux to a crawfish boil in January.
Ransom has contacted Mayor Boo-Boo about getting a city council started as part of the local government that reports to a city manager. Ransom wants to be the city manager when and if that happens. Henpecked Junction has never had one, and has always been run by the mayor and sheriff, but the town has grown in the last few decades and Ransom is pushing for a more balanced management of the town.

CLYDETTA RUFFNAP

Professional Fake Friend
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 4
Birthday: August 31st

If you ever need bodies to fill seats and pretend friends, call upon Clydetta. Ms. Ruffnap works as a professional fake friend for weddings, funerals, class reunions, and more. Clydetta usually travels outside Henpecked Junction for work, so she must leave her home unattended at the Summer Gardens Trailer Park. Unfortunately, this has caused her a few problems with the local kids vandalizing her property.
During conversations, Clydetta injects weird pauses mid-sentence and must always have the last word. But she is super easy to influence if you need someone to agree or take your side. In addition, Clydetta is enthusiastic about life and has become fluent in eight languages.
Clydetta was recently in a car accident. She is anxiously awaiting the insurance company's ruling on whether or not it was her fault.

DARLEEN PRANGLES

Waitress
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 3
Birthday: February 3rd

Darleen Prangles is the head waitress at Breakfast Served Any Time – the central gathering spot of Henpecked Junction. Probably because she smells food all day, Darleen is one picky eater who must comment on others’ food choices while avoiding eye contact.
Darleen seeks approval from others and is a fantastic cook. She was recently accepted into a top culinary school in New York City – Culinary Master Academy. The townies have poked fun of her for wanting to be a city slicker, but Darleen aspires to land a job in the kitchen of a famous restaurant in the big city after graduating from school.
There has been a string of peculiar food borne illnesses coming out of Breakfast Served Anytime. The chef blames Darleen, and Darleen blames the chef. Maybe it's the busboy? Who knows?

GATOR DANIELS

Mailperson
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 7
Birthday: April 1st

Gator Daniels is the lovable, outgoing mailperson of Henpecked Junction. With the tiny post office having three employees, Gator is the only one delivering mail to the town. Gator refuses to plan anything, so this mail jockey is about impulse decisions.
Gator doesn't live in the past and is ambitious about the future. Gator speaks as if asking a question but would never give anyone credit for knowing something that they didn't. Gator's a know-it-all and loves to claim a willing ear to listen to their accomplishments. This mailperson isn't all about themselves, though. Gator is the town's humanitarian and is the only one who makes an effort to put on charitable events.
Gator was once strapped down to an airplane seat with duct tape. This was six years ago and Gator hasn't been the same since.

CRASH P. COLTRANE

Chief Hair Tamer, Mullet Cuts
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 14
Birthday: August 19th

Crash P. Coltrane is the chief hair tamer at Mullet Cuts – the only hair salon in Henpecked Junction. Crash taps their chin while thinking and is severely introverted. It’s a wonder they chose a profession dealing with the public. This scissor master takes everything personally and is overly expressive, so they can be confusing during chats. Most people bring earbuds to their hair appointments.
Crash is notorious for stealing credit for anything good that happens, and their habit of sniffing everything in sight is off-putting.
But Crash tends to hide their 145 IQ. Crash may be the most brilliant resident of Henpecked Junction, but you’d never know that.
The gossip mill has been circulating a nasty story about Crash sabotaging the reigning national mullet champion's mullet haircut this past year. Crash defends that everyone has a bad day and that it 100% was not on purpose.

JEM ROCK

Mobile DJ
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 53
Birthday: January 17th

Jem Rock is the sassy gum-smacking DJ-for-hire. Jem prefers heavy metal music, and it's rare to find this record spinner without the signature black attire from head to toe. The doc's warned this music spewer to cut back on the three cases of root beer poured down Jem's gullet each weekend, but Jem makes it a point to eat an apple every day to avoid having to go back for checkups. Jem took home the US Mullet Championship for three straight years, but Coors McFadden snagged the title this year and has put Jem into a foul mood for the most part.
Jem is always trying to keep up with the Joneses and will spend every last penny on the best of anything just for bragging rights. Jem has great aspirations for the DJ business and doesn't plan on staying in Henpecked Junction for much longer. This DJ is a loyal friend for life and would never give up on those closest to them – but might betray someone if the stars were aligned just right.
Jem doesn't blame Crash P. Coltrane for giving Jem a terrible mullet cut right before the competition. However, Coors McFadden and Crash have become really good pals lately.

BUBBLES CHICKENWORT

Pig Farmer
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 16
Birthday: July 10th

Bubbles Chickenwort has recently created a pig farm on the outskirts of Henpecked Junction. Bubbles still resides in the Winter Hills Trailer Park and scoots to the farm daily at sunrise. This hiccupping farmer is a constant key and coin jingler who wears massive eyeglasses and speaks to themselves in public. In addition, Bubbles is always searching for the next adventure and an excuse to have fun. But don't make plans too far out with this piggie leader, as Bubbles is likely to flake and stand you up.
Teachers throughout the earlier school years referred Bubbles to the gifted and talented programs. However, Bubbles fell out of sorts with academia by ninth grade and struggled through the next three years until graduation. Bubbles had always wanted to raise animals as an occupation, and pigs just seemed right.
Bubbles recently moved from the Summer Gardens Trailer Park to Winter HIlls. Bubbles says it was to be closer to the pig farm. But Bubbles also had been feuding with the neighbor in the adjacent lot for many years.

SKIPPER CLAMPETTS

Fast Food Chef
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 14
Birthday: February 9th

Skipper Clampetts is the head chef at the Angry Rooster – the most popular fast-food establishment in Henpecked Junction. Skipper’s known to be reactive and dramatic, so working for this spatula-wielder can be taxing.
Skipper is forgetful but surprisingly has a crystal-clear memory of being the regional dodgeball champion and MVP for Henpecked High in high school. Skipper will always seek out flattery as this chef’s super clean and pays close attention to hygiene. But Skipper doesn’t judge others and is a loyal and dedicated friend.
Skipper Clampetts has been dealing with a terrible ant infestation for many years. However, recently, this issue was resolved and Skipper's mood has changed for the better. The chicken at the Angry Rooster has also been tasting even better.

DIMPLES CLEMENTINE

Reality Star
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 52
Birthday: May 5th

Dimples Clementine is a barista-turned-reality star on the hit television show Maw Maw Pearl & Me by the Cowlick Network. Dimples is massively superstitious, a constant lip licker, and could not admit fault to save their life. Everyone knows that Dimples tries to pass off regular clothing as designer attire, but the fake emblems Dimples makes are far too transparent. Dimples is always carrying a massive bag, and most of the time – it’s empty. That’s because this TV star steals everything not bolted down that can fit in the bag. But Dimples is one of the most patient and calm folks ever to be around and is the first to see the good in others – even if it costs them.
Most people cannot stand Dimples, but everyone seems to want to be on television, so they kiss up to Dimples. This can be quite nauseating.

BILLA-BOBBY BOONE

Painter
Trailer: Winter Hills, Lot 15
Birthday: February 16

Billa-Bobby Boone is an overly clumsy and shy painter. Billa-Bobby is one of the only painters-for-hire in Henpecked Junction, so Billa painted the town. Billa-Bobby wears oversized clothing, and some say it’s to intimidate others by increasing the illusion of their size. Nobody can make sense of this line of thinking, but they just let Billa-Bobby be Billa Bobby.
This paintbrush wielder is a one-upper who often stands in a sassy position with one hand on their hip.
Billa-Bobby Boone is best friends with Rubber-Face McGee. Rumor is that they are feverishly working on a catapult for the pumpkin chuckin' contest at Mullet Fest. Will they win this year? Only time will tell.

TOOTS BURGER

Nurse
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 5
Birthday: July 6th

Toots Burger is a snorting chuckler with the most contagious fit of laughter – everyone in the room will join in – even when they don't know what they are laughing about. Toots loves to argue for any reason and can't touch another person without cringing. Toots must point at the person they are speaking to, which confuses conversations – especially when you are one of Toots' patients at the clinic. Toots is never satisfied with the room temperature and continually asks whoever controls the thermostat to change the temperature up and down.
Toots has been extra-excited lately, as they are a huge Kid Cooter Band fan. Kid Cooter will play at Mullet Fest on the main state at 7 PM sharp!

WEE-WEE WILLYWEED

Roadie, Kid Cooter Band
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 5
Birthday: May 1st

Wee-Wee Willyweed is the head roadie for the Kid Cooter Band. Wee-Wee boasts about being with the band and carries a spoon named Spoonie. Wee-Wee makes Spoonie talk to people as it is made to bounce.
Maybe it's due to the influence of being around musicians but Wee-Wee loves to make up rhymes about situations. Sometimes this can be not very kind, and other times quite hilarious.
Wee-Wee always wears a cowboy hat but has never ridden a horse or stepped foot on a farm or ranch. Nevertheless, Wee-Wee likes their appearance and is obsessed with the cowboy lifestyle and couture.
Wee-Wee is a bit of a Doomsday prepper, which can make this roadie a tad irrational when things in the world are unstable.

TEEGAN TINYFACE

Beverage Pong Emcee
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 10
Birthday: August 3rd

Teegan Tinyface is the Beverage Pong Tourney Emcee from Henpecked Junction. Teegan travels to various regional competitions as the gracious host, judge, and moderator of the exciting beverage pong qualifiers. Teegan often wears tiny clothing, believing it is slimming to stuff into shirts and pants like sausage. Teegs couldn't tell a lie to save their life, so this is a problem when this emcee is asked for honesty because sometimes, the truth is brutal to hear. Teegan is an air-quoter who is very cautious about who they allow into their inner circle of friends.
Teegan is trying to build their social media accounts by posting unique content and engaging with other accounts. However, the process has been grueling with hardly anyone wanting to follow Teegan. This outgoing emcee is fighting the urge to give up on social media platforms altogether.

SQUID SCUTTLEBUTZ

Restroom Attendant
Trailer Park: Winter Hills, Lot 21
Birthday: November 16th

Squid Scuttlebutz is the restroom attendant at the Spotted Stag Dance Hall. Squid swings their arms so largely while walking that everyone needs to give this mint slinger plenty of space. Squid is notoriously early to any event and is a pathological liar. Even when the truth is best for a situation, Squid can’t seem to allow their lips to form truthful words. However, Squid is a very talented artist and actor. Squid sells oil paintings every Saturday at the swap meets and has always landed leading roles in the local theater’s plays.
Those closest to Squid have said that there is something utterly mysterious about this mouthwash supplier. Squid has areas of their double-wide trailer locked so friends can't enter. What is Squid hiding?

Q BODYCOMB

Tattoo Artist
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 4
Birthday: July 2nd

Q is a talented tattoo artist at the Henpecked Tattoo Parlor. This year at Mullet Fest, Q is fully booked for the day in the Tats and Tiaras booth. Q is quite a character as they speak to inanimate objects as if they are alive – even responding to the objects' replies as if having a real conversation. This certainly takes the clients' minds off the needles pummeling ink into their skin.
Q will switch between singing words and speaking normally, which is also an excellent distraction for Q's clients.
Q often squabbles with customers over their choice of art to tattoo on their bodies. Q has lost business in the past for this practice, but firmly stands behind their work and ethics, nevertheless.

P. J. POOTIE

Radio DJ
Trailer Park: Summer Gardens, Lot 21
Birthday: June 12th
The smooth, melodic voice of P.J. Pootie is blasted out daily on the local WBC Radio station of Henpecked Junction from the first rooster crows until lunchtime. The P.J. Morning Show discusses town drama, gives incorrect weather predictions, and occasionally spills sweet tea on juicy celebrity gossip.
P.J. always takes in stray animals, leading to trouble at the trailer park. This morning show host prefers the dark and is exceptionally easy to influence - which is excellent if you need someone to take your side. However, P.J. always pulls for the underdog, so there's that. This disc jockey can get squirmy if seated too long, so don't invite P.J. to a long, drawn-out seated dinner.
P.J. often gets into online fights with other townsfolk. Mostly, it stems from things that this radio personality has said about them on the morning show. When P.J. thinks they are losing the fight, you'll get blocked on all social media platforms.

ROOSTER HICKENBUTTS

Farmhand
Trailer Park: Fall Pines, Lot 3
Birthday: June 23rd

You'll always remember meeting Rooster Hickenbutts, as this farmhand must always restate the last word spoken in a conversation at a loud volume. Rooster works at the Chickenwort Pig Farm on the outskirts of town by the Winter Hills Trailer Park. Rooster can be very defensive if you say anything untoward about Bubbles Chickenwort.
It can be challenging to convince Rooster of anything, so dealing with Rooster on any level can take time and effort. In addition, Rooster takes tiny baby sips and bites, so eating a meal with this farmhand also takes double the time commitment. Rooster also strives to stay well-rested, so daily cat naps are routine.
Rooster is currently banned from the ice hockey arena where the Y'all Puck'n Ice Rebels team plays. Ice hockey games in Dallas, Texas, used to be what Rooster looked forward to attending. However, Rooster got into a fight with a dear friend wearing an opposing team's jersey. The friends made up in mere minutes, but the ban from the arena is forever. Rooster has not been the same ever since.

JACKIE WIMPLESNATCH

Telemarketer
Trailer Park: Spring Meadows, Lot 2
Birthday: October 8th

Jackie Wimplesnatch is always late because of a total lack of a sense of direction. Even with the maps on smartphones shouting out explicit orders, Jackie can't follow them and arrive anywhere on time. So if you invite Jackie somewhere, put the time starting at least an hour earlier so that Jackie's on time. Jackie is a charming telemarketer known for making snap decisions and wearing unmatched attire. In addition, Jackie, an extremely delicate eater, treats food like an equal, thanking the food for every bite. Jackie often causes bouts of laughter as they grunt when the room grows silent to break the tension.
Jackie's friends often talk about how Jackie can get so hangry, they seem to black out and not remember much about what happened. For example, Jackie was so angry over having to wait for a table at Breakfast Served Anytime one Saturday morning, they swiped everything off the counter and marched home to their trailer. Jackie was banned from dining at the restaurant for a month. Jackie doesn't always make the best decisions while hungry.

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Are you country enough for Mullet Fest?

Country life can be downright enviable, as most folks have a strong sense of community, make unbreakable bonds as friends, have an undeniable work ethic, and are survivalists that enjoy the good things about living in this world. Country folk are prideful and will do anything to care for their family and friends - pure altruists and natural philanthropists. When they do good in life - so do those around them. They know how to live off the land and be one with nature, enjoying the simple things, and never sense the urge to compete with the Joneses.

Answer the 12 questions below and tally up your scores.

Question 1:

Are you a city mouse or a country mouse?

0 points: City for my whole life.

3 points: Grew up in the city but now live in the country.

7 points:Grew up in the country, but now reside in the city.

10 points: Country for my whole life, baby.

Question 5:

At what age did you learn to drive a stick?

0 points: What's a stick?

1 point: I never learned.

3 points: I was over 15 years old.

7 points: 11-14 years old.

10 points: 1-10 years old.

Question 9:

How terrified would you be if you were in the middle of a forest alone at 3 AM?

0 points: Terrified and expecting to die.

3 points: I would be nervous, but optimistic.

7 points: I wouldn't be scared. I'd be annoyed that bad life decisions landed me there.

10 points: I'd thank my lucky stars I was there so I wouldn't have to hear my Granny snorin.'

Question 2:

Have you owned a gun rack?

0 points: No, never had one and have no use for it.

3 points: I've always wanted one, but never owned one.

7 points:I used to have one, but don't have one now.

10 points: Um, yes. I've always had a gun rack, who doesn't?

Question 6:

How often do you recreationally hunt?

0 points: I've never hunted.

3 points: I've hunted for small things like turtles but never killed anything.

7 points: 1-6 times/year

9 points: 7-12 times/year

10 points: All the time

Question 10:

Which would you prefer to listen to?

0 points: Symphony, EDM, or classical music

1 point: Rap, punk, or pop music

3 points: New country music, like Luke Bryan

7 points: Heavy metal rock

10 points: Country - but not that new-fangled try to pass off as country.

Question 3:

Do you wear camo clothing?

0 points: No. Don't even own any camo - it's tacky.

3 points: I wear camo 1-7 times per year.

7 points: I wear camo more than 8 times per year.

10 points: I wear camo at least once per week - if not every day. Never know when I'm gonna go hog huntin.'

Question 7:

Which appeals to you most:

0 points: Martini

3 points: Craft Beer

5 points: Natty Light

7 points: Johnny Walker Red

9 points: Busch Beer

10 points: Moonshine

Question 11:

Hank Williams Jr. or Sr.?

0 points:Who are they?

3 points: I know who they are and can't stand their music.

7 points: Sr.

8 points: Both of 'em.

10 points: Why you asking that dumb question? It's obviously Hank, Jr.

Question 4:

How far have you traveled from your current residence?

0 points: I've traveled outside of the country.

3 points: I've been to another state.

7 points: 10-30 miles away to an adjacent town. They have great fried gator at their diner.

10 points: Have not ventured outside of the county lines.

Question 8:

Have you ever hurled your body at something to break it?

0 points: NO! That's dumb.

3 points: When I was a child, by accident.

7 points:When I was a child/teen - on purpose.

10 points: Yes. I do it all the time. Table Divin' is fun.

Question 12:

Have you ever shot a beer can?

0 points: That's savage behavior. NO!

3 points: No, but I've shot a gun, but only at a range or through my job.

7 points: No, but have shot at a DIY target, such as a watermelon.

10 points: Obviously. Who hasn't?

SCORE YOURSELF! ARE YOU COUNTRY ENOUGH?

0 - 15 POINTS: CITY-SLICKER ROYALTY You are so city that your Italian leather shoes aren't even scuffed on the soles. Shucks! That's too bad for you. It would be best to study some slang and customs before the party, buy a camo muscle T, and scarf down some venison chili. If you go to Mullet Fest in your current state - you will stand out like a shiny blue Fiat 500.

16-36 POINTS: WAYNE OR WANDA WANNABE You've put your toes in the mud, but if a crawdad crawled out of his burrow with his pinchers flexed, you'd run off screamin' to your mother. You have just enough country in you to be confused about why that happened. Study up, city slicker.

37-59 POINTS: HARRY OR HANNAH HALFLING You're enough country to get by, but your true city-slicker colors will shine through when surrounded by country folk. You won't be able to fake it for long, so you better study and learn how to blend in.

60-99 POINTS: WILLIE'S FISHIN' BUDDY You are country enough to make it through Mullet Fest. Whew. No need to study up - you've got enough country roots that you won't blow away in a Redneck tornado. But it wouldn't hurt to listen to a marathon of Hank Williams Jr. before Mullet Fest - just to be sure you've suppressed all your city vibes.

100-115 POINTS: REDNECK'S COURT JESTER Well, bless your heart. You are country as all get out. You are associated with redneck royalty, but not part of the fam, as you do have a tinge of city-clicker runnin' through your veins. Nonetheless, you'll take home many awards Mullet Fest has to offer. That is, unless a member of Redneck Royalty is in your presence.

117- 120 POINTS: REDNECK ROYALTY You deserve a crown made of beer cans and deer antlers. You are downright amazing, the party star and everybody loves, reveres, and wants to be you. You will rule Mullet Fest.